A first-time reflection

This morning, we went to the doctor to get our 19 week ultrasound. This also is the visit that we find out if the baby is a boy or girl. So, we get up first thing in the morning and make our way to the doctors office. We walk right in and begin the procedure. I can't tell you how incredible it is to see your baby for the first time. Ten fingers- check. Ten toes- check. Heart beating correctly- check. Everything was in working order and developing perfectly. We have a healthy, beautiful baby girl. It was all REAL.

I stopped in my tracks just three days earlier, when we were unloading the last of our personal boxes and things from the storage unit in Nashville. Sean and the guys brought it up to us while in town for a concert at RCC. Sean had brought up a few extra items that, when I first saw them, didn't register as real to me. He pulled out a clean, white baby bed, complete with hardware, a Pack-n-Play, and a new stroller. Now, I had seen our child's ultrasound at the 8 week mark, and it began to register that I was to become a father soon, but there was still somewhat of a distance at that point. But now, in this two-hit combo, it all became really REAL.

I can't describe the paradigm shift I'm going through- I am seeing the world through a slightly different lens today. It is a lens countless men have put on throughout history and have never looked at the world quite the same way. It's like turning the corner of a long curve and, suddenly, the road opens up to this beautiful view. Your eyes follow the road down for many miles before the end vanishes from view. It's as if God, for a brief moment, pulls back the curtain to show a glimpse of the road ahead and what's to come. It's that moment, a watershed moment if you will, in which I realize I am now . . . a daddy.

Palm Sunday Reflection

Historically, this week is the final week of Jesus' life. We start with "Palm Sunday" and walk with him up to the bloody cross on Friday. Here is my reflection on this time of year:

When I see the palm branches this Sunday, I begin to think about what it would’ve been like to be there. An observer- a participant in that scene. I close my eyes and put myself on that street- seeing Jesus coming in on a colt. Where would I have stood? In the crowd, pushing my way to the front? Maybe I would have stood back a little- or run up on a hill to get a better view of the whole scene. Would I have broken off a palm branch from a tree and come sprinting back to place it on the road? Would I have taken off my coat to lay it down? Would I have shouted out “Hosanna!” It seems the only thing I really could do- It is the cry of a people to honor a true King!

But to be there at that scene - I’d have to be at a second one. Now, it is very tense here. People are angry- spiteful. I look around this crowd and notice the same people who were crying out “Hosanna!”, now yelling “Crucify Him!” We had welcomed him a week earlier with palm branches, now we welcome him with flogging and spit. You’d think we’d have chosen Jesus over Barabbas to be released. Certainly, I would have chosen Jesus, right? How could we be sentencing to death the Messiah they'd been praying and waiting for all this time- the Lamb of God . . . . our King?

For me to be in the first crowd, I HAVE to be in the second one. It was every bit my fault Jesus was on that cross as them. Pilate may have given the order, but the hammer was in my hand. They wanted a king- they needed a king. But somehow He didn't meet their expectations- they just couldn’t see Him.

Maybe I’m still there.

Maybe I’m still one of the crowd.

Maybe I'm still waiting for another King.

A Little Slam Poetry

I ran across this little piece of slam poetry and thought you guys might enjoy this. It was written by Jessica Fino for Relevant magazine. I have read it a few times now and have grown to love it more and more. Please- share your thoughts after reading this.

My lips breathe the words I read,
and speak so true to the life I lead,
Day by day, night by night, caught in the moment,
everything seems right,
I continue on this way, wondering, searchingwith my body,
my soul, my heart, my Beauty,
There's so much in me that wants to offer my femininity
I wanna use my Beauty to delight him, captivate him and
show him how You made me,
I yearn to feel the Beauty.
I yearn so much that I give too much, too many, too soon, too fast,
I've toyed and manipulated situations in the past,
to feel that intimacy that only You can offer me
But I admit, I gave too much, too soon, too fast,
that I cannot even grasp the past of hurt, confusion, disillusion, I'm losing ...
And then I awaken, I arise, I won't buy into the lies

I stop in the pain I've been faking
I've betrayed You, disobeyed You, played You,
used the gifts I've been given to taint the man I love
I've twisted and bended my Beauty
to obtain that false love that I believe will sustain ...
the pain
But pain is what I gain in the forbidden game.

And as I spill forth burning tears of sin,
pain lingers within
pain of pleasure,
pain of fun,
my desperate soul cries out ...

GOD what have I done?

Saints and hot sauce

WOW. Winterfest is always a highpoint in the year for so many people. Whether its the size, (12,000 teenagers), Jeff Walling, the worship, the band (Tait), or maybe even us (?). But for me, however, there are two major high points: one is the annual pilgrimage to the Pepper Palace. For those not on the "in" on pepper culture: it is a Mecca for hot sauces. A store with every spicy sauce and food additive you can think of and then some! And here, if you are 18 and are daring, you can sample any sauce in the whole store. (My personal recommendation is to try a small dab of the "Death By Salsa"- and then a gallon of milk!) My family has birthed a number of hot sauce connoisseurs, so we always have to squeeze in a few brief moments at that strange and wonderful place. My other and most favorite parts are the short times I get to see and reconnect with friends who have weaved in and out of my life over the years. College friends and roommates, youth ministers, youth ministry interns, connections through AVB and Watershed- the list goes on and on. Often times I get to only spend 10 minutes with friends who were such a huge part of my life 10 years ago. We get to share the basics: how's the job, the wife, the church? any kids yet? You moved? To where? when? It's kinda sad to think that I'm not able to be a BIG part of their lives again. I miss the old times (old is a relative term here!)- back in college or back in one of my old apartments. These people, these friends, or better yet, these saints have shaped my thinking, my behavior, and my theology over the years. They have seen me at my best and at my worst- and vice versa. I have shared a baptistry with some and a dorm room with others. And we always share our memories and our common bond in Jesus. I think back on this and smile for I know that my faith isn't a thing or a destination- it's a journey. I'll pick up and befriend Timothys and Pauls along the way. We'll see our Priscillas and Aquilas move to Colorado for a new job or opportunity. And as painful as change can be, it keeps me ever looking forward and trusting that my Shepherd will lead me for what is yet to come. To all of you who have been a part of my life- I pray that God will bless You and shine his face upon You. I love you all. "So keep 'em coming- these lines on the road, Keep me responsible, be it a light or heavy load, Keep me guessin' with these blessings in disguise I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes."- Caedmon's Call

Mockingbird

Derek Webb: Mockingbird- check this CD out. I've actually had this album for a month or so now, and I am falling in love with it the more I listen to it. I have always been a fan of Derek- he is one of the few deep thinkers and true songwriters out there in the Christian music realm. It is so amazing how he can put into words the thoughts I have been grappling and thinking about for years. And he has slapped me in the face with his lyrics this time! I always have bought his albums and devoured it trying to find out the meaning of his often cryptic lyrical content. But this one really comes out and says some things the body of Christ really needs to hear with fresh ears. With songs like "New Law" he makes a charge for Christians to think for themselves- not settle for some homogenized faith. And he gets political at times with the song "King and A Kingdom". I'll let you listen to that one for yourself. No sense in starting something here! He often leaves his songs open-ended and up to interpretation. I believe this is a great catalyst to invoke discussion between people who call themselves followers of Jesus, but often have very different views on theology. So, if you want to try some great new music with thought provoking lyrics- try Mockingbird. You won't be sorry.

Mexican food and music

It's been a whirlwind of a week up here in MI. We flew a quick overnight trip to Las Cruces, New Mexico and sang for a Youth Rally called "Fabulous 13". They were a brand new audience, only like 4 people had heard of Watershed before! I actually love that- we sing at a lot of places that we come back to over and over, but it's so refreshing to meet new people and see how they respond to us. The teens were awesome and got into it- crowd surfing and all! And though I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted to there- I felt very blessed to be a small part of such a great ministry there in the Southwest. Right after the concert, Vicki and I flew straight back here to Michigan so I could lead worship here yesterday morning at church. WHEW. Oh, and I ate Mexican food like crazy while I was there too- 4 out of six meals! I don't that as much up here in Rochester Hills, so I have to take advantage of it while I can. We're heading to Senatobia, MS this weekend, and then driving over to sing at a SuperBowl Bash in Murray, KY with our good friend and former singing partner Jeremy Swindle. Somewhere in all of this, Vicki and I have been keeping up with LOST, 24 (both excellent this year), hooking up HALO 2 for my XBOX, and have been keeping some semblance of peace and order in our lives. I was struck by something yesterday as well. I have led quite a few new songs here at Rochester, but I got an overwhelming reaction to the song "In Christ Alone". People absolutely loved it! I had a TON of people come up to me and tell me how much that song meant to them. It was a real blessing to experience. But, more deeply, it just shows me how much power a good song has. The power to connect, to encourage, to lift up. It becomes more than words and notes on a piece of paper- it becomes something living and breathing. A person sings or hears it and thinks "That song is about me . . ." No wonder some people spend all their lives writing that one song that connects with people- because it will take them to the top of the charts! I imagine scripture in this way. It has the same power- to connect, to encourage, to lift up. It becomes much more than words on paper, but becomes something living and breathing. But the breath is much more powerful and profound, for it comes from the lips of the of an Almighty Father. He breathes His life into those who connect with Him. And when I read it, I think to myself, "That was about me." May you see yourself in His story and may He breathe his life into you. Blessings. -chris

I'm not a very disciplined person. If you don't know me that well, simply look at the dates on this blog and that should tell you something about me. Now, don't get me wrong, much goes on in between those dates: I've moved to Michigan, I've bought a condo, I've started a great new position at a church, we've begun pre-production on a new album with Watershed, etc. But something always draws me back to this keyboard to hammer out a few more thoughts. Call it "therapy", call it a "need", but I feel it goes a little deeper for me. I look at these littles ramblings as prayers to God. Somewhere through my run-on sentences and fumblings that I meet and talk with Jesus. He hears what I'm saying, and then He hears what I'm saying. I find comfort in that. And that time of being with Jesus draws me back to this keyboard again and again. This one quote has stuck with me the last couple of days. It's got me thinking about this new chapter unfolding her in Rochester and how Vicki and I have been kinda rearranging our lives recently. Frank Laubach in Letters by a Modern Mystic writes, "To be able to look backward and say, 'This, this has been the finest year in my life'- that is glorious! But anticipation! To be able to look ahead and say, 'The present year can and shall be better!'- that is more glorious! I have done nothing but open windows- God has done the rest." Lord, may I do nothing but open windows for you to lead me through. May you find me in the clutter and the noise of my life. Jesus, take the wheel.